I apologize for not posting a regularly as I should. Life has become . . . harder. I find myself feeling depressed again and this time, not many seem to care. I haven’t been doing much. I haven’t even been cleaning my room or taking care of myself well, which is a shift from the normal that typically never happens even in times of engulfing darkness.
As some of you have read the “About,” you may wonder what a teen has to be depressed about besides the normal teenage atrocities: pimples, friends, and so forth. I don’t have pimples. I don’t have many friends and I’m fine with that. What my life is currently proves to be a beast that would crush even someone older than me. The woman who cared for me all of my life (better known as my grandmother) died from cancer little over a month ago. My mother is an awful mother and it’s acutely evident as to why living with my grandmother was the best option. I essentially have no mother now. I lost her to disease that should have been caught in her body a long time ago. She was elderly, but not elderly enough to justify death. She could have lived. She could have. On top of all this, money in the house is very tight and each of our bills are behind. We receive calls and letters regularly threatening the termination of some necessity in our household. My mother has no job and neither do I, so she ends up “hustling” to get money.
The pressure of life is overwhelming and the pressure to live is underwhelming.
I promise to post some sort of writing soon.
Once again, I apologize. I need to do a better job with what’s vital to my survival as writer and as a thinker beyond the world I reside in. Just have to shake this damn mental illness off . . . again.